Hey, the Losers are in for Taco Tuesday. What should we bring so you don't have to provide everything when you're already hospitable enough to feed us. There's four of us, in total.
Uhhh dessert if you're all into that kind of thing - I've always got at least a quart of icecream, but it wouldn't hurt to have more if any of you have a sweet tooth. I've got more mixer than tequila if anyone wants a margarita they might want to byob, same with beer, I have a little not much. Everything else I have covered, I think.
I'm glad you're all willing to do this. Kind of miss having big dinner nights, honestly.
Because I work so hard to pay for it all with my stipend ;p But that's fine so that there's enough to go around.
I mean the only ones that know me are you and Richie, a little. So dinner at some strange, loud woman's apartment even with free food not everyone's cup of tea.
Okay, fine, I do put some work in, anyway. I am, yeah, and it's been busier here lately than it has any other time - there are actually people actively coming through.
You are not really old, you know that, right? And not cooking is a fair draw, it's the reason I get food delivered as often as I do, but still!
I think mine is pretty great, but I'm a little bit biased. You should come check it out for sure.
I do like cooking, primarily because I like eating. But it's different when I don't have a couple teenage boys or an eager werewolf scarfing food down with me.
This is so fucked up. Eddie doesn't really even know how to parse everything that's going on right now. It's kind of an unexpected information overload, but it's probably best to figure it out now than it would be to kick it down the road. Bev's right on that; she hadn't needed to tell him twice.
A part of him is feeling guilty that he'd seen what Sally had said; that he'd seen his name attached to her post that was asking for advice on how to ask out a friend. The gap between their ages and the abundance of good looking men closer to her own age was probably the part that was making it the hardest for Eddie to understand where she was coming from.
It's not necessarily that he thinks he's ancient; he doesn't. Forty's old but it's not shockingly old. He supposes it's more reflex than logic or any particularly specific reasoning that has Eddie wondering what a beautiful twenty-something woman wants with a married, neurotic mess of a man who was well past his prime. He isn't in the same life stage as she is, but then again, do the life stages remain after someone has died? Will she want to settle down and get married and have kids? Eddie's starting to think, in spite of what he'd said to Stanley, that he's just...too old for babies. Scratch that, he's too tired for babies. There are plenty of things Eddie imagines Sally might want out of a relationship with someone that he doesn't think he can give her. It never occurs to him that she might just want someone to spend her time with who makes her feel safe.
Eddie makes his way down to the first floor and tries very hard not to pace while he waits in the lobby for Sally to join him. How's he even supposed to start this conversation? He's absolutely attracted to her and now that he knows the option is on the table, well. He's neurotic, but he's not stupid. He just can't help thinking that he's still too emotionally caught in limbo. Sometimes he misses Myra terribly and other times, he's glad she isn't here with him. It's an uncomfortable dichotomy that he thinks he should probably have ironed out before he takes any steps in any other direction with or without Sally, in that vein, right?
Either way, he doesn't want her walking away from this feeling like she's ruined their friendship or that he's completely disinterested because neither of those things is true. Thus, the invitation to go on a walk.
Edited (helps when you actually include the url in the link code lol) 2020-11-22 02:48 (UTC)
Fueled with a little bit of emotional icecream, Sally makes her way down to the lobby with feet that feel as if they're weighed down ever so slightly. She isn't exactly sure how this is going to go, but her mind is going to the worst-case scenarios. After all, she can't imagine that Eddie is impressed or particularly in love with the idea that this has all come out the way that it has. It's not how she wanted to handle it either.
And now that she has no choice it's a real tug-of-war internally at what she's supposed to do. Should she just lie? That doesn't feel great considering the advice Bev gave, but also it's a lot to lie about given how many times and comments outright spelled out the crush on Eddie. Sally really should have known when it posted on her behalf not to engage - hindsight is 20/20, though.
She just hopes that the water she splashed on her face and the fact that she's pulled her hair out from the ponytail it was in distract from the fact that she teared up a little bit earlier. She doesn't want to scare or worry him. Or make him feel bad for however he feels in this situation. She's preparing, though, to be let down. It was either too fast, or he's not ready, or she's too immature - there are so many arguments she can come up with on his behalf. And she kind of wishes that she felt a lot more confident here.
Because she knows that she and Eddie get along. She knows that he makes her feel safe, she's attracted to him, and she knows that she can trust him. And she walks that fine line between maturity and playfulness - at least she thinks so? She has to brush that thought process off as she steps into the lobby - she's about to face whatever is going to come from this anyway, speculation and thoughts only get her so far. And it doesn't take her long to spot Eddie and head toward him, trying to shake her nerves out by shaking her hands, and feeling her heart hammering in her chest and her stomach to flip floping in nervousness.
"Hey, sorry it took me a minute to get down here." She needed to prepare. And yet here she is...still feeling semi-awkward and worried about where this conversation is going to go. "Annnd that we have to have this conversation in general, actually, this is not quite....y'know how any of this probably should have gone down."
She looks as nervous as he feels, Eddie finds himself thinking when he sees her getting closer. He gives her what he hopes is a reassuring smile. "Hey, don't worry about it. I just thought it'd be better if we didn't have to brave the network for it. It's not your fault, Sal, seriously. Don't feel bad."
Eddie gestures for the door that leads from the lobby out to the sidewalk and then starts to lead the way outside. His thumb moves to his wedding ring, spinning it absently as he's generally wont to do when he finds himself in an uncomfortable position these days. It's not something he ever did back in his world, but ever since showing up here...
Given the situation he's in, Eddie consciously makes the effort to stop doing that, using his other hand to pull the door open for her and shoving his left hand into his pocket as soon as they're outside. "Listen, I don't want you to worry that you messed anything up," he says, wanting to get that out of the way. "You didn't. You're okay. We're okay, you know?" That seems like as good a place as any to kick the conversation off.
"That makes two of us, I think that I've had enough humiliation and this thing," Sally holds her wrist up, drawing attention to the very bracelet that has been part of the damned problem. "Let's just say I prefer to talk for myself instead of having it added on or generated for me." Sally says, a frown marring her features. She can remember the days of Danny speaking for her. It's not that she feels particularly triggered by it, but she can't help but find herself remembering it at the same time. "Though I still feel bad because it's not exactly great to have all of that plastered for everyone to see and hear."
And god isn't that the truth. She can only imagine how embarrassed Eddie might be underneath all of this, considering he's not someone who lays his shit out for everyone to see. Sally tries not to, though they've both been forced to more than once at this point. Moving to walk out the door, Sally takes a breath in of the air as she steps outside. This is probably the most awkward she's ever felt with Eddie, and it's because she doesn't quite know what he's going to say, or how this will go. That was the thing that held her back from saying anything all along, after all.
"Might take a little while for me to actually feel and believe that one before it actually sinks in." Sally admits honestly. Still, she offers Eddie a smile that she has to put a conscious effort into. "The whole reason I hadn't even said anything to you, or made any kind of move, was I didn't want to make you uncomfortable - or screw up this friendship because I'm pretty damn attached to you."
Eddie shakes his head a little, frowning slightly. If she's going to beat herself up about this, he at least doesn't want her to be doing it because she's worried that he's secretly upset with her about it.
"Hey, I don't care," he counters. Eddie shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. "I really don't. It's fine, you know? The only people that care are my friends from home and even then, really I think probably only Beverly cares. Mostly so that she could tell me that she called it," he says with a wry smile, looking far more amused and endeared than put out. "She suspected it when you invited them to Taco Night. I told her I didn't think so, but she was right. Beverly loves being right," he says with a grin.
The grin fades a little into something more sympathetic. She's embarrassed and, frankly, he has a feeling that he would be completely mortified in her position. The only person that's going to be able to assuage that for her is him, so he has to get this right. No pressure, or anything. "You didn't screw anything up, Sally," he assures her gently. "And I don't want you to worry that I'm uncomfortable because I'm not. I promise. There's not a whole lot you could do to mess up this friendship; it's really important to me, too," he points out.
Eddie stops walking so that he can look at her. "I'm pretty damn attached to you, too. I'm not going anywhere," he assures her, looking her in the eye so that she knows he means that.
Now he needs to get to the complicated part. "I don't...want to keep you waiting," he starts awkwardly, unsure really of how to position this. "Finding out that you're interested in me like that is...I mean, I couldn't have wrapped my head around it if it wasn't spelled out like that because I still can't, for the life of me, figure out what a beautiful, charismatic woman like you wants with a fucking neurotic mess like me," he confesses with a huff of a laugh.
He sobers a moment later. "But uh...I just...I don't know if I'm there yet? I mean, I don't know if I'm ready yet, you know, to start something new. My feelings for Myra are really complicated and I'm still trying to parse all of that out. But if I was going to, for whatever it's worth, I'd want it to be with you," he finishes.
There's a soft breath of air that Sally lets out, feeling her muscles relax ever so slightly along with the release. She didn't realize that she'd been holding it, truth be told. Eddie's a good guy. She can't imagine that, even in a bid to placate her, he'd outright lie. They've talked to one another, truthfully, about far worse than this, after all. "Bev called it - god I didn't realize I was that obvious, but...I guess if anybody it would be her." Sally responds wryly, a half-smile pulling at her mouth. She's already told Eddie that she really likes Bev, and that's been for a good reason. She's great and Sally finds her easy to get along with. She can see some things she has in common with the one female Loser in some ways, even. "I knew she and I had a fair few things in common."
Sally reaches up, tucking some of her curls behind her ear with a small bob of her head. She’s so used to being the reason things go wrong, the one that gets blame - even with Josh and Aidan sometimes - that it’s a little bit hard for her to let herself off of the hook. To believe that she hasn’t done anything to screw it up. She’s screwed up so many times in the past...shredding other ghosts, becoming a zombie, choosing Danny - it’s a little bit of a mental gymnastics move to make herself listen to Eddie. “Okay. I trust you, I know that you’ve always been honest with me, so….didn’t manage to screw this one up - yay.”
It’s definitely not enthusiastic, but the snort at the end after her little hand gesture, without any umph or pizzaz behind it, shows that some of her good humor is there. She even manages a soft smile that reaches her eyes. “I’m glad you’re not going anywhere." She's pretty sure Eddie knows how much she's lost - she's literally lost everyone multiple times considering her death and then being brought here. And it's not like Sally is completely surprised by what comes next, even if it isn't quite ideal.
And Sally can't help but roll her eyes at Eddie. "You left out quite a few things there - like the fact that you've been there for me, made me feel safe on multiple occasions, and you're a genuinely good and supportive man. Plus, you make me laugh and I like being around you." Sally can't quite help but make sure that she says it, even as she nods. "I do understand, though. I get it's not easy to move on from someone you committed yourself to - I'm not, for the record, in a rush here either." Sally shrugs. She heard what he said - he doesn't want to keep her waiting, but that's not the way that she feels either.
"I'm not, necessarily, waiting or anything. I don't feel like you're keeping me waiting that is to deal with your baggage."
Eddie's smile falters just a little. "You have a lot more in common with Beverly than you probably realize," he tells her and he leaves it at that. It isn't his place to divulge what Bev's been through, but he also doesn't think Bev would mind him dropping that gentle hint that maybe Sally might do well to try embarking on a friendship with her, as it might benefit them both to have someone in their life who really understands some of the less savory and difficult parts of their lives.
The smile returns, though, and Eddie laughs a little when she jokes about having not screwed it up. It's little endearing things like that which Eddie never really realized he liked as much as he does until he was slapped in the face with the reality of her feelings. It's almost as though knowing for certain that she'd been romantically interested in him gave him permission to acknowledge that he's always been, at the very least, mildly attracted to her, something which has grown over time as they became closer friends.
Admittedly, letting Myra go and indulging the urge to test the waters with someone new, probably would be better for him in the end. Especially someone like Sally who, rather than fussing over his frailty and worrying incessantly about being left alone, quite conversely only ever seems to want to empower him and support his endeavors, regardless of their potential levels of danger. Myra would've shit a brick and guilted him into staying home when the people had started to go missing from the maze. Sally told him he should go for it and offered to come along. The smart thing to do would be to start taking steps to see where this might take him and how it could help him grow as a person.
But when the smart thing is hard, Eddie's never been good at doing it unless someone is in danger or he's backed into a corner. It feels bad knowing that she could probably take her pick if she really wanted to, and he's letting her settle on him when he doesn't know if he'll ever feel ready to move on from Myra. His marriage might never have been perfect. Hell, it might not have even been good most of the time, but it was a lot of things. It was easy. It was predictable. It was comfortable. Taking up with someone as much younger than him as Sally is will shatter all of those things. There will be bumps in the road caused by their generational gap. Sally's more impulsive and empowering than Myra ever was. Sally's never going to give him excuses not to do something; she's not going to enable his hypochondria — something which has admittedly started to taper since his acceptance of his abilities, but remains forever in the back of his mind and has been recently a little shaken by the hiccup in people's abilities being switched around, even if he wasn't actually affected.
And all of those things that are holding him back from taking a leap of faith are the exact things that are the reason he should. It's something he'll have to work up to. Breaking his emotional and mental ties to Myra and forcing himself to grow will be the hard part. Once he gets past that, the rest should be fairly smooth sailing.
Don’t get in your own way, Eds. Especially if it means you standing in your own way of having some happiness while you’re here.
Bev knew before Eddie did that he'd been thinking about it. The undertaking feels monumental and insurmountable but it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be.
Just go out for drinks or dinner. Something that you DON’T already do as friends.
Eddie clears his throat. They have to start somewhere if they're going to start at all and he's the one with the hangup, so he's going to have to be the one to get the ball rolling.
Don’t make the mistake Ben and I made, Eddie. Don’t just sit on it and let something pass you by if you actually want it.
The words rise in his throat and then he feels like he's choking on them. Every part of him wants to shove his free hand into the pocket where the aspirator always is, just in case, and bring it out; take a hit. Eddie takes a deep breath, thumbs at his wedding ring on the hand in his pocket. He's not sure if it's just the angle, or the fact that he'd recently put on lotion after washing his hands after doing the dishes, or just fate trying to give him a good, swift kick in the ass, but when the ring spins around his finger, he feels it slip over the first knuckle. A braver man might just thumb it the rest of the way off, but Eddie pushes it back into place and decides the slip can be the baby step. The leap can be taking it off, later.
"Do you want to go out to dinner sometime? Somewhere nicer than Perfect Spot, I mean?" he blurts out, lifting his eyebrows and hoping he doesn't actually sound as stupid as he thinks he does. Jesus, it's been like a decade since he went on a date. Married for five years, engaged for two, dating for a couple more... Yeah. It's been a while.
"I believe you - I'm looking forward to getting to know her more too." Sally replies in earnest. There's no part of her that isn't interested in being friends with the other Losers, particularly Bev (who was just really easy to hit it off with when she'd arrived). After all, Eddie's a pretty damn good judge of character from what Sally has seen from the moment that she met him. Plus, there's the fact that the memories she's seen and that she's shared of Eddie's, it leaves a person unable to quite help it.
And whether anything romantic happens here or not - and Sally can tell that it's not an outright no - it wouldn't change that fact for her. That's the thing, though, Sally actually doesn't know exactly what's going through Eddie's mind right now. It seems like he isn't fully ready, though she's more than willing to give him the time to work through things. She's not sure how long he needs, but of course it makes sense to her too.
There's some level of disappointment, sure, but at least he's still here. She knows he's not going anywhere. And not for the first time Sally finds herself wondering about Eddie's wife - especially considering the bits and bobs that Eddie has commented on in terms of his wife. Sally's hands have found their way into the pockets of her sweater, pushing down into the corners and moving it around slightly as she winds up just stopping as the question tumbles from Eddie's mouth.
Had she read this entire conversation wrong - or is she reading the invitation wrong? She's honestly not sure, but she finds herself looking up at Eddie, eyebrows up and not bothering to hide that there is a level of surprise written on her features. "I...wasn't expecting that to be what came out of your mouth next." Sally blinks, but a smile does pull at her features. She doesn't look away from him, though, before she nods. "I'd love to go out to dinner with you, Eddie." She's not going to ask him if he's sure, it just seems like that would do little more than create doubt, which isn't exactly something that she wants to do here.
Even if he isn't ready, trying and feeling it out isn't a bad thing, after all. But it seems to Sally that sooner or later moving on is the healthy, and she wants that for him period - interest in him or not. And somehow even if it means nothing really, and things are still open Sally feels a little lighter.
"I've heard about this really good Italian place from a few people at work - La Bella Note - just to throw an option out there." Sally offers, cocking her head, both being helpful, and kind of unable to help herself.
In spite of himself, Eddie huffs out a nervous sort of laugh. Yeah, well, she's in good company because that wasn't what he expected the next thing out of his mouth to be, either, but somehow it feels like telling her that is a bad idea. Rather than admitting that, he looks appropriately sheepish and reaches up to rub the back of his neck with one hand.
Some part of him is grateful that Sally doesn't feel inclined to respond with something like are you sure? or I don't mind waiting, Eddie because he thinks he'd be nervous and uncertain enough with his own decision to second guess himself if she did and then, well. He'd have to politely find a way to walk it back.
But she doesn't and he's glad. Dinner, that's no big deal, right? Baby steps.
Sally is lucky that she's getting the new and portal-improved Eddie because taking her somewhere for Italian generally means pasta and with his previous gluten allergy, that just seemed like kind of a waste of effort, so he and Myra had never gone. He's had some Italian food, but not much; most of it, after all, has pasta involved.
Nodding, Eddie smiles and makes a move to start walking again — it's a hesitant sort of move that almost asks permission for her to join him before he actually commits to it. "La Bella Notte sounds fine with me. I've never been. ...maybe...next weekend? Once all the holiday hubbub settles?"
There is a part of Sally that is half waiting on him to try and back out. It's not that she has no faith in him so much as she knows this is a step for him, and a step that he's admitted on his part already. Though, he never did say how long he might need to take this step. And it is one step at a time. Sally doesn't mind being the one to help him with that either, honestly. In fact, she is pretty happy to.
It's an automatic movement that Sally moves to walk alongside Eddie as he moves, fully intending to keep along with him the whole way. She can see that ther'es a much more tentative note to things. She supposes it could be because they're making plans to have dinner, but perhaps it's also ever so slightly in relation to all of it lumped on top of one another and still being left to untangle for them, to figure out.
"Me either, so we can give it that first try together," Sally reassures with a smile, half shrugging and gesturing with her hands still in the corners of her sweater, stretching the material ever so slightly with the gesture. "Next weekend sounds good to me - after all the holiday cooking and everything some italian'll probably be pretty good, actually. Friday or Saturday?"
Eddie's back to absently twisting the wedding band around his finger, but at least this time, his hand is still in his pocket, so Sally won't notice it. At least, he hopes she doesn't, because it's liable to look maybe more like he's playing fucking pocket pool than doing what he's actually doing and that's fucking embarrassing. That thought makes his thumb still on the ring, pausing the anxious gesture again.
"Saturday?" he asks more than answers. He's not sure if there's a secret code that suggests Friday or Saturday have specific meanings behind them. It's entirely possible that choosing one or the other is like inviting someone in for coffee after dark versus in the daylight — does one mean literally the day and the other mean to suggest sex? Eddie clears his throat, feeling his palms starting to sweat with the nerves. This is a lot, why is he letting himself go through this right now? He could've waited. Maybe he should've waited...
He shrugs. "Either is fine for me, whatever's better for your work schedule," he amends, figuring that sounds more decisive and less potentially suggestive.
Eddie finds himself wondering whether this dinner is going to be casual or if it's going to force them to address the elephants in the room named Danny and Myra. Even though Danny was terrible to Sally and, in fact, caused her death, that doesn't mean that Sally might not still have feelings for him. It's hard to turn that sort of thing off; Eddie should know. Not that Myra caused his death but she'd been bad for him in other ways. Very bad for him, actually. And, frankly, he'd been very bad for her, too.
Thinking of that then makes him worry that he and Sally will end up being bad for each other in different ways than their previous partners had been bad for them. Eddie doesn't realize that it makes him physically shake his head a little to push away the thought. That's not something he wants to consider right now. They haven't even gone on a single date to feel this out; that's a heavy subject that doesn't need exploration this early on, so Eddie decides not to indulge that line of thought any further.
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text; 10/22
text; 10/22
Uhhh dessert if you're all into that kind of thing - I've always got at least a quart of icecream, but it wouldn't hurt to have more if any of you have a sweet tooth. I've got more mixer than tequila if anyone wants a margarita they might want to byob, same with beer, I have a little not much. Everything else I have covered, I think.
I'm glad you're all willing to do this. Kind of miss having big dinner nights, honestly.
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Why wouldn't we? Free homemade tacos without the effort of making them? What's not to love?
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I mean the only ones that know me are you and Richie, a little. So dinner at some strange, loud woman's apartment even with free food not everyone's cup of tea.
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We're a pretty chill group of people. We're old, Sally, shit.
Not having to cook is a pretty fucking big draw lol
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You are not really old, you know that, right? And not cooking is a fair draw, it's the reason I get food delivered as often as I do, but still!
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I thought about checking it out sometime.
I didn't say really old. I thought you liked cooking?
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I do like cooking, primarily because I like eating. But it's different when I don't have a couple teenage boys or an eager werewolf scarfing food down with me.
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Doesn't that just mean you get to make less so it's faster?
in person; 11/20
This is so fucked up. Eddie doesn't really even know how to parse everything that's going on right now. It's kind of an unexpected information overload, but it's probably best to figure it out now than it would be to kick it down the road. Bev's right on that; she hadn't needed to tell him twice.
A part of him is feeling guilty that he'd seen what Sally had said; that he'd seen his name attached to her post that was asking for advice on how to ask out a friend. The gap between their ages and the abundance of good looking men closer to her own age was probably the part that was making it the hardest for Eddie to understand where she was coming from.
It's not necessarily that he thinks he's ancient; he doesn't. Forty's old but it's not shockingly old. He supposes it's more reflex than logic or any particularly specific reasoning that has Eddie wondering what a beautiful twenty-something woman wants with a married, neurotic mess of a man who was well past his prime. He isn't in the same life stage as she is, but then again, do the life stages remain after someone has died? Will she want to settle down and get married and have kids? Eddie's starting to think, in spite of what he'd said to Stanley, that he's just...too old for babies. Scratch that, he's too tired for babies. There are plenty of things Eddie imagines Sally might want out of a relationship with someone that he doesn't think he can give her. It never occurs to him that she might just want someone to spend her time with who makes her feel safe.
Eddie makes his way down to the first floor and tries very hard not to pace while he waits in the lobby for Sally to join him. How's he even supposed to start this conversation? He's absolutely attracted to her and now that he knows the option is on the table, well. He's neurotic, but he's not stupid. He just can't help thinking that he's still too emotionally caught in limbo. Sometimes he misses Myra terribly and other times, he's glad she isn't here with him. It's an uncomfortable dichotomy that he thinks he should probably have ironed out before he takes any steps in any other direction with or without Sally, in that vein, right?
Either way, he doesn't want her walking away from this feeling like she's ruined their friendship or that he's completely disinterested because neither of those things is true. Thus, the invitation to go on a walk.
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And now that she has no choice it's a real tug-of-war internally at what she's supposed to do. Should she just lie? That doesn't feel great considering the advice Bev gave, but also it's a lot to lie about given how many times and comments outright spelled out the crush on Eddie. Sally really should have known when it posted on her behalf not to engage - hindsight is 20/20, though.
She just hopes that the water she splashed on her face and the fact that she's pulled her hair out from the ponytail it was in distract from the fact that she teared up a little bit earlier. She doesn't want to scare or worry him. Or make him feel bad for however he feels in this situation. She's preparing, though, to be let down. It was either too fast, or he's not ready, or she's too immature - there are so many arguments she can come up with on his behalf. And she kind of wishes that she felt a lot more confident here.
Because she knows that she and Eddie get along. She knows that he makes her feel safe, she's attracted to him, and she knows that she can trust him. And she walks that fine line between maturity and playfulness - at least she thinks so? She has to brush that thought process off as she steps into the lobby - she's about to face whatever is going to come from this anyway, speculation and thoughts only get her so far. And it doesn't take her long to spot Eddie and head toward him, trying to shake her nerves out by shaking her hands, and feeling her heart hammering in her chest and her stomach to flip floping in nervousness.
"Hey, sorry it took me a minute to get down here." She needed to prepare. And yet here she is...still feeling semi-awkward and worried about where this conversation is going to go. "Annnd that we have to have this conversation in general, actually, this is not quite....y'know how any of this probably should have gone down."
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Eddie gestures for the door that leads from the lobby out to the sidewalk and then starts to lead the way outside. His thumb moves to his wedding ring, spinning it absently as he's generally wont to do when he finds himself in an uncomfortable position these days. It's not something he ever did back in his world, but ever since showing up here...
Given the situation he's in, Eddie consciously makes the effort to stop doing that, using his other hand to pull the door open for her and shoving his left hand into his pocket as soon as they're outside. "Listen, I don't want you to worry that you messed anything up," he says, wanting to get that out of the way. "You didn't. You're okay. We're okay, you know?" That seems like as good a place as any to kick the conversation off.
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And god isn't that the truth. She can only imagine how embarrassed Eddie might be underneath all of this, considering he's not someone who lays his shit out for everyone to see. Sally tries not to, though they've both been forced to more than once at this point. Moving to walk out the door, Sally takes a breath in of the air as she steps outside. This is probably the most awkward she's ever felt with Eddie, and it's because she doesn't quite know what he's going to say, or how this will go. That was the thing that held her back from saying anything all along, after all.
"Might take a little while for me to actually feel and believe that one before it actually sinks in." Sally admits honestly. Still, she offers Eddie a smile that she has to put a conscious effort into. "The whole reason I hadn't even said anything to you, or made any kind of move, was I didn't want to make you uncomfortable - or screw up this friendship because I'm pretty damn attached to you."
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"Hey, I don't care," he counters. Eddie shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. "I really don't. It's fine, you know? The only people that care are my friends from home and even then, really I think probably only Beverly cares. Mostly so that she could tell me that she called it," he says with a wry smile, looking far more amused and endeared than put out. "She suspected it when you invited them to Taco Night. I told her I didn't think so, but she was right. Beverly loves being right," he says with a grin.
The grin fades a little into something more sympathetic. She's embarrassed and, frankly, he has a feeling that he would be completely mortified in her position. The only person that's going to be able to assuage that for her is him, so he has to get this right. No pressure, or anything. "You didn't screw anything up, Sally," he assures her gently. "And I don't want you to worry that I'm uncomfortable because I'm not. I promise. There's not a whole lot you could do to mess up this friendship; it's really important to me, too," he points out.
Eddie stops walking so that he can look at her. "I'm pretty damn attached to you, too. I'm not going anywhere," he assures her, looking her in the eye so that she knows he means that.
Now he needs to get to the complicated part. "I don't...want to keep you waiting," he starts awkwardly, unsure really of how to position this. "Finding out that you're interested in me like that is...I mean, I couldn't have wrapped my head around it if it wasn't spelled out like that because I still can't, for the life of me, figure out what a beautiful, charismatic woman like you wants with a fucking neurotic mess like me," he confesses with a huff of a laugh.
He sobers a moment later. "But uh...I just...I don't know if I'm there yet? I mean, I don't know if I'm ready yet, you know, to start something new. My feelings for Myra are really complicated and I'm still trying to parse all of that out. But if I was going to, for whatever it's worth, I'd want it to be with you," he finishes.
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Sally reaches up, tucking some of her curls behind her ear with a small bob of her head. She’s so used to being the reason things go wrong, the one that gets blame - even with Josh and Aidan sometimes - that it’s a little bit hard for her to let herself off of the hook. To believe that she hasn’t done anything to screw it up. She’s screwed up so many times in the past...shredding other ghosts, becoming a zombie, choosing Danny - it’s a little bit of a mental gymnastics move to make herself listen to Eddie. “Okay. I trust you, I know that you’ve always been honest with me, so….didn’t manage to screw this one up - yay.”
It’s definitely not enthusiastic, but the snort at the end after her little hand gesture, without any umph or pizzaz behind it, shows that some of her good humor is there. She even manages a soft smile that reaches her eyes. “I’m glad you’re not going anywhere." She's pretty sure Eddie knows how much she's lost - she's literally lost everyone multiple times considering her death and then being brought here. And it's not like Sally is completely surprised by what comes next, even if it isn't quite ideal.
And Sally can't help but roll her eyes at Eddie. "You left out quite a few things there - like the fact that you've been there for me, made me feel safe on multiple occasions, and you're a genuinely good and supportive man. Plus, you make me laugh and I like being around you." Sally can't quite help but make sure that she says it, even as she nods. "I do understand, though. I get it's not easy to move on from someone you committed yourself to - I'm not, for the record, in a rush here either." Sally shrugs. She heard what he said - he doesn't want to keep her waiting, but that's not the way that she feels either.
"I'm not, necessarily, waiting or anything. I don't feel like you're keeping me waiting that is to deal with your baggage."
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The smile returns, though, and Eddie laughs a little when she jokes about having not screwed it up. It's little endearing things like that which Eddie never really realized he liked as much as he does until he was slapped in the face with the reality of her feelings. It's almost as though knowing for certain that she'd been romantically interested in him gave him permission to acknowledge that he's always been, at the very least, mildly attracted to her, something which has grown over time as they became closer friends.
Admittedly, letting Myra go and indulging the urge to test the waters with someone new, probably would be better for him in the end. Especially someone like Sally who, rather than fussing over his frailty and worrying incessantly about being left alone, quite conversely only ever seems to want to empower him and support his endeavors, regardless of their potential levels of danger. Myra would've shit a brick and guilted him into staying home when the people had started to go missing from the maze. Sally told him he should go for it and offered to come along. The smart thing to do would be to start taking steps to see where this might take him and how it could help him grow as a person.
But when the smart thing is hard, Eddie's never been good at doing it unless someone is in danger or he's backed into a corner. It feels bad knowing that she could probably take her pick if she really wanted to, and he's letting her settle on him when he doesn't know if he'll ever feel ready to move on from Myra. His marriage might never have been perfect. Hell, it might not have even been good most of the time, but it was a lot of things. It was easy. It was predictable. It was comfortable. Taking up with someone as much younger than him as Sally is will shatter all of those things. There will be bumps in the road caused by their generational gap. Sally's more impulsive and empowering than Myra ever was. Sally's never going to give him excuses not to do something; she's not going to enable his hypochondria — something which has admittedly started to taper since his acceptance of his abilities, but remains forever in the back of his mind and has been recently a little shaken by the hiccup in people's abilities being switched around, even if he wasn't actually affected.
And all of those things that are holding him back from taking a leap of faith are the exact things that are the reason he should. It's something he'll have to work up to. Breaking his emotional and mental ties to Myra and forcing himself to grow will be the hard part. Once he gets past that, the rest should be fairly smooth sailing.
Don’t get in your own way, Eds. Especially if it means you standing in your own way of having some happiness while you’re here.
Bev knew before Eddie did that he'd been thinking about it. The undertaking feels monumental and insurmountable but it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be.
Just go out for drinks or dinner. Something that you DON’T already do as friends.
Eddie clears his throat. They have to start somewhere if they're going to start at all and he's the one with the hangup, so he's going to have to be the one to get the ball rolling.
Don’t make the mistake Ben and I made, Eddie. Don’t just sit on it and let something pass you by if you actually want it.
The words rise in his throat and then he feels like he's choking on them. Every part of him wants to shove his free hand into the pocket where the aspirator always is, just in case, and bring it out; take a hit. Eddie takes a deep breath, thumbs at his wedding ring on the hand in his pocket. He's not sure if it's just the angle, or the fact that he'd recently put on lotion after washing his hands after doing the dishes, or just fate trying to give him a good, swift kick in the ass, but when the ring spins around his finger, he feels it slip over the first knuckle. A braver man might just thumb it the rest of the way off, but Eddie pushes it back into place and decides the slip can be the baby step. The leap can be taking it off, later.
"Do you want to go out to dinner sometime? Somewhere nicer than Perfect Spot, I mean?" he blurts out, lifting his eyebrows and hoping he doesn't actually sound as stupid as he thinks he does. Jesus, it's been like a decade since he went on a date. Married for five years, engaged for two, dating for a couple more... Yeah. It's been a while.
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And whether anything romantic happens here or not - and Sally can tell that it's not an outright no - it wouldn't change that fact for her. That's the thing, though, Sally actually doesn't know exactly what's going through Eddie's mind right now. It seems like he isn't fully ready, though she's more than willing to give him the time to work through things. She's not sure how long he needs, but of course it makes sense to her too.
There's some level of disappointment, sure, but at least he's still here. She knows he's not going anywhere. And not for the first time Sally finds herself wondering about Eddie's wife - especially considering the bits and bobs that Eddie has commented on in terms of his wife. Sally's hands have found their way into the pockets of her sweater, pushing down into the corners and moving it around slightly as she winds up just stopping as the question tumbles from Eddie's mouth.
Had she read this entire conversation wrong - or is she reading the invitation wrong? She's honestly not sure, but she finds herself looking up at Eddie, eyebrows up and not bothering to hide that there is a level of surprise written on her features. "I...wasn't expecting that to be what came out of your mouth next." Sally blinks, but a smile does pull at her features. She doesn't look away from him, though, before she nods. "I'd love to go out to dinner with you, Eddie." She's not going to ask him if he's sure, it just seems like that would do little more than create doubt, which isn't exactly something that she wants to do here.
Even if he isn't ready, trying and feeling it out isn't a bad thing, after all. But it seems to Sally that sooner or later moving on is the healthy, and she wants that for him period - interest in him or not. And somehow even if it means nothing really, and things are still open Sally feels a little lighter.
"I've heard about this really good Italian place from a few people at work - La Bella Note - just to throw an option out there." Sally offers, cocking her head, both being helpful, and kind of unable to help herself.
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Some part of him is grateful that Sally doesn't feel inclined to respond with something like are you sure? or I don't mind waiting, Eddie because he thinks he'd be nervous and uncertain enough with his own decision to second guess himself if she did and then, well. He'd have to politely find a way to walk it back.
But she doesn't and he's glad. Dinner, that's no big deal, right? Baby steps.
Sally is lucky that she's getting the new and portal-improved Eddie because taking her somewhere for Italian generally means pasta and with his previous gluten allergy, that just seemed like kind of a waste of effort, so he and Myra had never gone. He's had some Italian food, but not much; most of it, after all, has pasta involved.
Nodding, Eddie smiles and makes a move to start walking again — it's a hesitant sort of move that almost asks permission for her to join him before he actually commits to it. "La Bella Notte sounds fine with me. I've never been. ...maybe...next weekend? Once all the holiday hubbub settles?"
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It's an automatic movement that Sally moves to walk alongside Eddie as he moves, fully intending to keep along with him the whole way. She can see that ther'es a much more tentative note to things. She supposes it could be because they're making plans to have dinner, but perhaps it's also ever so slightly in relation to all of it lumped on top of one another and still being left to untangle for them, to figure out.
"Me either, so we can give it that first try together," Sally reassures with a smile, half shrugging and gesturing with her hands still in the corners of her sweater, stretching the material ever so slightly with the gesture. "Next weekend sounds good to me - after all the holiday cooking and everything some italian'll probably be pretty good, actually. Friday or Saturday?"
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"Saturday?" he asks more than answers. He's not sure if there's a secret code that suggests Friday or Saturday have specific meanings behind them. It's entirely possible that choosing one or the other is like inviting someone in for coffee after dark versus in the daylight — does one mean literally the day and the other mean to suggest sex? Eddie clears his throat, feeling his palms starting to sweat with the nerves. This is a lot, why is he letting himself go through this right now? He could've waited. Maybe he should've waited...
He shrugs. "Either is fine for me, whatever's better for your work schedule," he amends, figuring that sounds more decisive and less potentially suggestive.
Eddie finds himself wondering whether this dinner is going to be casual or if it's going to force them to address the elephants in the room named Danny and Myra. Even though Danny was terrible to Sally and, in fact, caused her death, that doesn't mean that Sally might not still have feelings for him. It's hard to turn that sort of thing off; Eddie should know. Not that Myra caused his death but she'd been bad for him in other ways. Very bad for him, actually. And, frankly, he'd been very bad for her, too.
Thinking of that then makes him worry that he and Sally will end up being bad for each other in different ways than their previous partners had been bad for them. Eddie doesn't realize that it makes him physically shake his head a little to push away the thought. That's not something he wants to consider right now. They haven't even gone on a single date to feel this out; that's a heavy subject that doesn't need exploration this early on, so Eddie decides not to indulge that line of thought any further.
11/23; text
11/23; text
I'd hate to come empty-handed.
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Which means Sally and boys can bring wine and soda and the like, yeah. I'll see you then? I think we're aiming for dinner around 4.